If anyone has ever loved and lost then you would know how i feel right now. For once in my lifetime i'm gonna write something so benificial and well something very personal about myself. In the end though thats just what it is though, for me and to help me out. So here it goes....

For those of you who know me and actually will read this you will know that i never ever do this and maybe it will be a sign. Maybe not... Anyways I have seen a lot of things in my lifetime and have done a lot over the past couple of years alone. Some of it I am very proud of and others I will probably never get over or ever believe. Saddly though this is not gonna be one of those blogs...

Nope this blog is about love, or at least my definition about love over the past 19 years and 9 months of my life. Now I was never one of those great men who had all the confidence in the world and therefore I literally didn't have any confidence throughout my life. Least that was for the first ten years of my life, then i finally defended myself, gained respect, and ultimately got my confidence back.

So I remember my very first girl friend as being quite beautiful and very stunning to be around. She was also 3 years older then me, but that really didn't matter to me. So I walked right up to her learned her name and don't ask me how but played truth and dare with her, in which i gained my very first kiss. Now don't ask me why i'm revealing this here i don't even know the answer to that.

Anyways she lived in Grapevine, Texas which was on the out skirts of Arlington and therefore we never saw eachother. Also I was very innocent and took her talking about another guy as being a clue things were over. So after two weeks we broke up. The one thing i will never forget is the fact that when we broke up the Titanic theme song was playing from the new motion picture, and so till i was about 17 I took that song to kinda be some sort of warning of bad things in a relationship. and thats when i thought i knew was love. Boy was i niave...

16 girl friends and aproximately 6-7 years later I found myself this wonderful woman who was only 4 months older then me. Now we were both in the same field and loved the same things. A match in heaven right? Well for those of you who know exactly who this mystery woman is know how that turned out. In the end she was graduating and i was still in for another year of High School. Anyways through a few scary moments in life we made a life changing decission and eventually broke it off, after she graduated.

Later on through some weird coincidence I ended up going back out with her for another month 4-6 months later and we ended up in the same place. If your reading this, I just want to let you know i am forever greatful to you for helping me grow up just a little and for being their when i needed you. Needless to say the first time I was crushed and well a lost soul. It literally changed my view on life. Second time well I knew what went wrong and didn't feel as crushed.

Now for my most recent...

What can I say, other then she is the hardest heartbreak I have ever faced. I mean no offence to the other women of my pass who may read this but she truly was the best girl friend a guy could ever ask for. Besides her majestic beauty she had the one thing I never thought I would ever find. Trying not draw too much attention to her I will not type what it is but I hold it closer to my heart, then anything else in the world.

Anyways I probably said too much already and therefore im gonna stop there but, I will say this though about this fantastic woman and thats the fact that I have only loved two women in my life, and that as i grow older that I will fight as hard as I possibly can to not lose the one thing and thats the friendship we built through the relationship as well as before. I will always love you no matter what, and I am greatful that you haven't given up on our friendship. I just pray that I have the strength and endurance to not lose you like all the other women in my life. I have never felt like this before and know for a fact that I don't want to lose what we had. I'm there for you and always will be...

This I swear.